• The absence of the school routine means you have an opportunity to not be a slave to the clock and take the time to really train your children into good habits. This is a fantastic opportunity to train your children to be more cooperative and self-reliant.
• Some children experience school as a competitive and pressured environment or an area where they don’t feel particularly successful and a break from that is less stressful. Time to go to work on building up their self-esteem.

"I have been so struck by the improvement in my son's self-esteem since I learned about Descriptive Praise in my classes. He is like a flower in bloom now. He joins in games willingly, volunteers for tasks at school and has even been a mentor for the younger children. I'd never have thought this was possible beforehand" Evelyn Gray, mother of 2

1. Do less in order to minimise stress and to allow you to focus on enjoying being with your children and getting them into good habits. Beware of over stimulating the children. Plan for some time for yourself so that you can replenish the resource that you are for your family. 

2. PLAN more. Spend time anticipating what could go wrong and take preventive action. Have solution time with your partner and family meetings to discuss planned events. It is a great idea to draw up a poster for the wall listing all the things going on during the holidays. Make sure you include gaps for downtime.  The children really like to see in advance what is going on. Not only do they get excited about forthcoming events but it also helps prepare them for the things they like less.

3. CHAT THROUGH situations or activities before they arise. Ask your children what will need to happen/ how they need to behave, in detail. Eg look Granny in the eye when you say Hello. (If this is difficult then practice it in a role play) Maybe ask them how they might feel, eg when having to try food they don’t like. What can they do in that situation? Praise every sensible/brave response. Mention several times in advance things that you think they may not be looking forward to (church services for teenagers!?) so that they have time to get used to the idea. 

4. Think through rules and routines for the holidays and discuss them with your partner. There should be rules even if these are different from those you have at home/in term time. You may need to discuss house rules with the parents of other families under the same roof. Even if this means compromising on what you really want to happen you are more likely to be able to make the compromise rule work. It works very well to sit down with the children and write up the holiday rules together.

5. Think of possible non-material rewards (tick or star charts, time with a parent, stories, games, bubble bath, dressing up, candles and choices) that children earn by sticking to the rules. You also need consequences you are able to follow through on when the rules are broken. Don’t forget to praise specifically when the children have followed a rule. Require them to do the things they need to do to the standard you require. This may mean just waiting and praising every tiny step in the right direction until they’ve done what you asked (nothing else happening in the meantime) or it may mean requiring a 'Take Two' - this means asking the child to do it again eg come back to the table when they've got down or asking in a polite tone of voice. Some behaviours require stronger consequences and that means forward thinking so you do not get caught out threatening a consequence that you don’t carry out.  

6. Set up routines so that the children are earning holiday outings, screen time (TV, video, playstation etc), pocket money or special foods by completing the tasks they need to do. Eg tidying up before TV. Beds made, pyjamas folded and get dressed before breakfast or before a game with you. Older children can pass a vacuum round the living room before the trip to a show. Younger ones can tidy the shoes or plump cushions. Children feel a great sense of satisfaction when they have 'earned' something.

7. SET THE MOOD by descriptively praising your children (and the other adults) early and often. "James, you let your brother play with your new trainset, that was very generous of you"... "Aysha you picked up all the bits of wrapping paper and put them in the bin without any fuss, thank you"

8. PROVIDE TIME ALONE with each child every day even if it’s only a few minutes snuggling at bedtime. 

9. Have STRUCTURED TIME AND UNSTRUCTURED TIME every day. Do not become the children’s entertainment director – it is not your job to think of things for them to do. They need to become self-reliant in managing their own time and just being by themselves. In a family meeting you might ask them to come up with a list of possible things to do on their own which they can consult when they’re ‘bored’. Some children may have holiday school assignments – do not leave them till the last minute drawing up a timetable for this can really help. You can of course reflectively listen to how they feel about having to do an assignment in the holidays. Eg “You feel holidays are times when you shouldn’t have any responsibilities/to do any work. It’s your time to relax. To you it feels unfair that you have a project to complete. ” Show an interest in what they’re learning. Some activities in the holidays should be learning ones.  

10. When things go wrong and children behave inappropriately DO NOT BLAME, CRITICISE, SHOUT OR NAG but try to think about the reason for the misbehaviour. Was there an emotion driving it or was the child looking for attention? Were they tired, over-stimulated or over-sugared? Reflectively listen to the feelings and, when things have calmed down,  ask the child to think of an appropriate way of making amends. If your child is looking for attention make sure you’re giving lots of it for the positive things he’s doing.